Have you ever sat down and thought about how much you really matter? It’s the time of year when resolutions are made, and we all think about what changes we will make going forward. Planners are bought. Checklists are made. Goals are set. We will do more, be more, achieve more.
Each of us can look back on the past year and see it filled with so much. On a basic level, our days are filled with so much doing. We work, take to dance, sports, lessons, care for family, manage a household, making sure many souls are fed literally and figuratively. There is much that goes into our days.
Amid all the doing, life happens and there is pain, suffering, sorrow, loss and fatigue. And at times, it all feels too heavy. We have walked with our children, family and friends through very hard moments; moments at times so heavy they knock the breath right out of you, and we wonder how we are going to get through it all.
I remember when my family was in the middle of multiple rounds of surgeries for two of our children. Their doctors were in different states, and we were managing care for them and the other six kids while keeping my husband’s job and our home afloat in the middle of it all. We relied on those who stepped in to help. One particular woman, who took on too much in her effort to help, became overwhelmed with the weight of it all and said, “Don’t you ever feel like you’re too much?” She lived one week in my shoes and was ready to jump ship.
Clearly, this was a lot, my kids were a lot, I was a lot. Over the years, I played that tune in my head as people would step in to help. We needed them to survive, but all the while I felt the temperature on the thermometer of how “much” we were raising till it almost burst.
I read a reflection from Donna Ashworth and Charlie Mackesy the other day and it struck me. The reflection began with the words “I hope you know how brave you’ve been.” As I pondered this, I immediately felt lighter recognizing the fact that I have been brave, very brave, not just this year but for many years.
I sat with my husband and said, “What if, I am so much? But the so much is all good?” We sat together and listed all of the so much. I am so much strength, depth, promise, resilience, trust, wisdom, laughter, compassion, joy, sugar and spice. As I read this over, I felt the reality of those words fill me. I imagined myself as the wise woman in the village who poured tea and listened to hearts and gave counsel because I am so much. I have so much. I give so much. How wonderful it is to reclaim words and heal, to realize we can be so much, and it can be good.

I sit and think of those I hold close in my life. They are so much laughter, so much insight, so much creativity, so much kindness, so much faith, so much giving. They are extraordinary and necessary. Yet, we live in a world where we allow the fulcrum to move from the seesaw and we become unbalanced.
It’s so easy to see the faults and make the priority to fix them. Perhaps instead of making lists and resolutions to do more and be more, the easiest shift is to recognize that we are so much and rejoice in it.
Perhaps the key is gratitude. Perhaps the key is simply taking the time to look into a spiritual mirror and allow ourselves to see the depth we carry.
St. Anthony of Padua is quoted as saying, “Nowhere other than looking at himself in the mirror of the cross can man better understand how much he is worth.” God became man for us to recognize how much we are and how much we mean to Him. Recognizing this gives us purpose and mission.
We are called to use everything we are to love and serve God. So, instead of my beloved lists of what to change this year, I think a year allowing myself to realize, celebrate and grow in the identity of how much I really am will be a year well spent.
This article also appeared at the Catholic Times.