I woke early the other day and made a list. Things seemed out of whack, and I knew just what I had to do. 

I mapped out a week that included all the things: daily Mass, daily rosary, weekly adoration, family prayer, morning and evening prayer, my Bible in a Year app, confession and all the devotions to my special saint friends renewed and prayers said. What a beautiful plan it was, color coded and structured. 

I took a breath, sipped my tea and thought, “This plan right here will bring everything into balance.” All who are away from the Church will return. All the imbalances shall be restored. Every worry shall be put to rest because by doing these things I am placing my trust in Jesus. 

As I sat and prayed my morning rosary, a child came down to ask a question. “Hold on!” I said somewhat frustrated, “I’m trying to pray.” If I could just start strong, I knew it would be a good day. 

Throughout the day, there were countless “interruptions” in my plan for holiness; a request for help with school, seeing my husband knee-deep in meetings and noticing he hadn’t eaten, a text from a friend whose heart was aching and an empty wash machine. I’m coming Lord, I’ll be right there I thought. 

As I went to get ready for daily Mass, I got a phone call. “Mom, I need help.” I sighed to myself in resignation knowing I would miss Mass and be just stuck again not making any progress toward placing my trust in the Lord. 

It’s easy to get frustrated with ourselves for not being disciplined enough to do “all the things” that clearly will help us grow in that relationship we long for with the Lord. My heart aches with a deep longing for all the intentions that sit deeply, and I think that if only I did these things, all would be healed and well. If only I belonged to the “holy people club,” my worry would be gone, I’d have made it, and God’s heart would be so pleased. 

Have you ever felt this way? After giving myself a few days to live in this slump, I took some time early one morning to sit with the Lord and tell Him how frustrated with myself I was and how everything in life seemed out of balance. Kids were making mistakes I could not fix. There was suffering and hardship for family and friends. Financial, work, school and parental stress were feeling overwhelming and yet each day I began again on a path that seemed to have no reprieve in sight. 

But as I sat with the Lord I wondered, what if it is not the reprieve we should be seeking but each moment we are walking, each step we are taking, aligning it with the Lord. Perhaps it is not so much all the prayers said or the daily Masses attended but the acceptance of the path we are given. The surrender of our will to God’s will. 

This witness to making God’s will paramount above our own has to be a beautiful gift for the Lord. My heart desires to do all the holy things, but what is necessary is to align ourselves first with the vocation we are called to. For me, that is wife and motherhood. 

Our sanctification is found in our daily fiat to the life God has given us; the spouse and children we have been blessed with. Our service to their hearts and their sanctity help form us on the path we have been given. Saying yes to the Lord in this way is the surrender that we must trust in and the surrender that will make all the things be well in His time. 

In our human desire to control things, we take the gift of knowing our path to heaven through our own vocation for granted. Through walking that path we have been given, surrendering each moment to the Lord and making it an offering, we align ourselves with His plan for our life and when we do that, peace comes. I am learning peace doesn’t look like I’d hoped it did, with all the problems fixed and no more worry. Rather it looks and feels like the realization that we are not alone, that God is working for us and that we are becoming better versions of ourselves for Him through our surrender. 

So, the next time you, like me, are tempted to make the lists and try to do “all the things” to fix all the problems, stop. Take a look at your own path and ask the Lord how He is calling you, just you, to walk your unique path of holiness and begin again. This is how we truly place our trust in Jesus.

This article also appeared at The Catholic Times.